Randy Rainbow (Re)Reads Patti LuPone's Autobiography- Patti Lands EVITA!

Sang my first show tune when I was just three

My mother knew I'd go far. I've been a show queen since way before Glee

Now I'm a Broadway star. Well, not exactly, but my friend has a friend who knows Idina Menzel

You know, I mean, sort of. So things are happening, you'll see. But till my ship comes in, I've got a lot to tell her

Let's start chewing the scenery with you. Welcome to chewing the scenery with... me

Turn off your cell phones. I got an audition for Steven Spielberg's film 1941

I had one line. I was in heaven. Naturally, I then got the call to return to New York for the Evita final callback

When I got to the Schubert, my eyes were filled with blood. I looked at the stage from the wings and I saw a white line across the floor Oh I thought I guess we not supposed to cross it What that white line was was the set for a chorus line When my name was called I walked on stage

and took a giant step in front of the white line in defiance. I sang Buenos Aires, then Don't Cry for Me Argentina

then Rainbow High. John Houseman used to tell me that I perform better when I'm mad

Well, I was mad that day, so mad that I started crying during Argentina

I barreled through the other two numbers. All I could think about was my dead career in Hollywood

They said they'd let me know in a few days. Yeah, who cares? I met up with my brother Billy at the audition

and I said, I'm not getting out of here tonight, am I? I knew by the look on his face I was screwed

I hailed the one cab driving around the city streets, then went to the airport to find that, yes, indeed, my flight was canceled

What could I do? I lay down and slept on the airport floor with my hair in big rollers for my 1941 hairdo wearing a sleep mask People would go by and laugh at me Their laughter would wake me up

The humiliation was palpable. In the morning, I went to the counter

expecting to get on the first flight out. Sorry, they told me, you don't have a seat

This flight is sold out. Suddenly, I saw Christopher Reeve, who also went to Juilliard

and who had just become a big star in Superman. We said hello, and then I instantly burst into tears. Chris tried to comfort me. Maybe there was something he could do

The next thing I knew, they were announcing the boarding of the L.A. bound flight, and I heard my name called over the loudspeaker

Lupone! Chris had gotten me on his plane in first class. He had come in and scooped me up like a real-life Lois Lane in big rollers

The cabin was filled with actors and agents and Hollywood types grateful to be leaving the blizzard of 78 behind

We all had been stranded but nobody looked as bad as I did I have a feeling some of them had a laugh over my ridiculous appearance I didn care I was on my way back to my career in Hollywood I made it to the set by 11 o

that morning, and when I arrived, I got a round of applause. Nobody had thought I was going to make

it. Somebody asked how I got out, and I told them. Superman. Two days later, I was having my lunch in

the makeup room when I was called to the phone. Congratulations, my agent said. I started to cry

They were not tears of joy. I was very ambivalent about this, even though my friend Jeffrey tells

me that when I was rehearsing my audition in his no-stove, one-bed house in L.A., I said to him

quite calmly, this is the next thing I'm supposed to do. But I really didn't like the music. I wanted

to work with Hell Prince. But I did not want to do Evita

Whatever