0:00
So you want to be a Broadway star, put on a show
0:19
Sandy, what are you doing in my apartment again? I have a surprise for you
0:26
This is it. This is my chance to become an even better actor
0:30
I don't know if that's possible, but if anyone can do it. If I didn't start living in your apartment, I would have never found this flyer posted in your lobby. Yeah
0:38
Wait, what do you mean to start living here? Don't worry about it
0:41
I've installed trap doors all over this apartment. This is your chance to connect with your inner goddess
0:47
My inner what? Sorry, I've been watching a lot of old episodes of Oprah that you taped off the TV in the 90s
0:53
Pretty compelling stuff. Mickey! I'm here for our weekly meeting. One of the Germans let me in
0:59
Who is this? She's my new agent. Well, your new agent didn't find you this amazing opportunity
1:04
Oh, I tweeted you that yesterday. I knew I made a great choice when hiring you
1:10
Who is she really? I an agent I gotta go
1:25
So I just researched this class, and the career coach's name is Donna Dazzle
1:31
This could be exactly what I need to take my career to the next level. I heard from my uncle who runs the unofficial Shia Laba fan club
1:39
Donna Dazzle herself made him cry. Yes, I can help you. Only, you're going to have to enroll in my workshop
1:47
I don't normally do this, but you seem like a special rising star
1:53
So just this once, I'm going to go ahead and wave that $5,000 fee, and I'm going to give it to you for a thousand
1:59
Only, just don't tell any of the other actors. We both know how catty this business can be
2:05
How intriguing. Tell me more. Well, it's called The Actors Cleanse. And all it takes is 24 hours
2:11
It's a series of obstacle courses set up in my studio. And if you can make it through 24 hours without having a complete mental breakdown..
2:17
Well, most people break down. But if you, Mickey, if you can make it and you still want to be an actor
2:22
then I have done my job. Acorns. Hitting you. In your face
2:29
Feel the acorns. Feel the acorns on your face Tomatoes tomatoes It plopping It hurting Tomatoes The Seeds Yeah you feel it You feel it That good
2:42
Excellent, though, me, that's wonderful. Rice, rice! If you can't take the rice, then you can't take the life
2:48
You disgust me. I have never seen an uglier actress. Unless Steve Bouchemmy needs a face double for his next project
2:54
you're going to have to beg your parents for the rent money again. All your ex-boyfriends and that one girlfriend you had in that experimental phase
3:00
that were right about you. See? I've stepped up to the mirror and face your inner demons
3:06
You live under a bridge. All your friends are mice, and you will never be a star child
3:15
You're the poor man's Nathan Lane, and your feet smell like Cheetos
3:20
You go ahead. You're going to never be an alpha-bear-ha-ha-cheon-ha-cherell. I understood everything
3:27
You will never be an alphabah. will always be Anessa and you deserve to be in a wheelchair
3:35
I should probably start wearing deodorant. On to Act 2 of the actors cleanse, the Hall of Shame. Desert
3:44
You look like you just walked out of Moulin. If Ranglassy isn't an option
3:49
you could always make a career out of plain birds I could totally see you being cast as like a tired mother The hall of shame is great because it prepares you for all those things that your loved ones will say or have said to you like you not good enough
4:03
You won't be able to retire until you're 90. Zoe, we really wish that your sister had gone into acting instead of you
4:10
So if you can survive that, you can survive anything. And I mean, I mean, literally, I mean anything
4:15
Well, the third act in the actor's cleanse is called The Trust Fall. Now, this isn't your ordinary trust fall either
4:23
Drop him. We let the actors fall so that they know what it's like to just fall in their butts
4:33
I mean, that's what it's like to have a career in show business. I quit! That's too needed show business
